My dating requirements

So my home girl was telling me what she wanted in a man and the shit was just too fucking funny but she was SERIOUS. She had a real list of things that a dude HAD to have in order for her to talk to him. I thought to myself that maybe I was being foolish on just wanting a connection and to be attracted. So.. Here is my list.

1.) She has to weigh 155.5 pounds. I don't want her no smaller or bigger.
2.) has to be able to cook in 6 inch heels. (fantasy reasons)
3.) Her car and house MUST remain spotless at all times.
4.) Her voice has to be soft and angle like.. Like Fergie and Jesus combined.
5.) Her booty can't be too big and not too small. Don't want to draw attention.
6.) Has to have hair EXACTLY 2 inches past her ear.
7.) When she fart it has to smell like taco bell and pot roast with cinnamon.
8.) Has have been in a shoot out in broad day light. *IMPORTANT*
9.) she has to be able to roll a blunt and change a babies diaper at the same time.
10.) Has to recite the words to WHOOP THERE IT IS before we have sex.
11.) Can't have ANY PARENTS! Not trying to deal with bitchy mom or mean dad.
12.) Has to have a tattoo of thug life somewhere on her body.
12.) Her titties cant be sagged out. They have to be sitting up and paying attention.
13.) Have to know the words to FANCY and PROTOTYPE. If you don't know those songs...
14.) You have to be able to type and text at least 50 words a minute. late night texting reasons.
15.) Have to be able to run from police and jump high fences.. (Don't ask)
16.) Have to be able to recite the words to ATL.

I think that's all I want for right now. Lol. The shit don't make no kind of sense. Not one of those talk about connection, trust, anything! Hers didn't either so I guess I'm on the right track!