Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Letter to you..

I don't know why you don't like me. I mean it aint like you know me. Before I was born, you probably had it out for me huh? Yup! Growing up, I never seen you, you never showed your face. Were you ashamed of me? I understand you and Tonya had beef but that didn't have anything to do with me. You let the beef between you and her stop us from having a any type of relationship. With all that said, I didn't let 18 years of turmoil stop me from picking up the phone and calling you trying to patch shit up. But when I talked to you, I heard how un fucking interested you was about me going to college. How un fucking interested you was about me doing music and following my dream. How un fucking interested you was that I was okay and I'm doing my thang... That shit hurt me. It only hurt because they only person I want to acknowledge my accomplishments don't. They only person I want to have a solid relationship, don't want to have one.

You wasn't there to teach me to shave, talk to girls, catch a ball, ride a bike, drive a car, fight, NOTHING! But hey, I got pretty damn good at it. You can't take pride in nothing when it comes to me. You waited too fucking long to man up. But what makes it soo bad.. I aint talking to a friend or a ex girl friend. Im talking about you Dad. It wouldnt be so bad if you didn't have a wife and two other kids who you spoil to death. Who you watch grow up. Who you cherish like their your pride and joy when I came 11 or 12 years before them both. Everything I wanted to do with you, you do with them. Thats what makes it so bad to me. But its cool. You a regret the lack of communication before I do. -Eric

p.s. This is for anyone who feels like they dont have the relationship they would like to have with any of their parents. Even if you was raised with your dad or mom, they could have been absent in your life.

p.p.s. So fucking what I let my personal life leak over into my blog. I know tons of motha fuckas who can relate. Gotta problem, fuk you and 13 motha fucks who resemble you even a little bit haha!!

20 comments:

A{dot}Shine February 4, 2009 at 6:11 PM  

wow. i dont comment on these usually but that touched me. i can't relate but it makes me think of fresh prince when will dad came bak. that was powerful dizz

Revee February 4, 2009 at 6:17 PM  

I cried reading this, I felt your heart. It all poured into my soul && I saw all of it, like bright as day. I felt like I was you. Your love and care is one of the best things I've ever experienced, and you know what, he's missing out. Babe, you opened yourself to us,us being the world, its not even about exposing your personal life, you're opening up. Wow, I'm amazed by you.=)

Deme February 4, 2009 at 6:34 PM  

Maybe that's what's wrong with people. We try so hard to do our best for somebody, thinking that's gonna make them see us differently or appreciate us better, When really they don't give a fuck. We waste our life dreaming this dream we want to happen..and it all dies when reality finally hits. We should of been trying hard for ourself and not to please another.

kmx. February 4, 2009 at 6:48 PM  

Story of my life.
That hit my soft spot.
My father is here physically...
but he's not here, yenno.

Never been to any of my sports games. Things for school. None of that. Barely knows anything about me...but I'm a strong person, I don't need his appreciation, it took me years to figure that out, but I finally got it.

This was a great post dizzy. Keep em comin homie.

E Dot DizZy February 4, 2009 at 6:55 PM  

Thanks, Thanks. Deme I don't know what the hell your talking about. I didnt say i did ANYTHING for my dad. I did it for me, just wanted him to acknowledge it. Glad I can speak for so many people.

P3BYL3$ February 4, 2009 at 7:02 PM  

I was in tears reading this because I have those exact emotions in my head. I was raised in an abusive home had to go to the hospital almost every week. Had to watch my mom take up for us only to get punished horribly in bruises and broken ligaments. Even with all that had happened I try to keep a positive attitude and not hold a grudge with him, because I feel as though GOD can deal with him better than I ever will be able to. He has his own family and have my younger siblings over there going through the same shit I had to endure... I just hope they are as strong as me to push through it and if they arent as strong atleast they have someone who they can run to for guidance.. Something I didnt have, but I love this note it really touch me dearly! Love you Diz! Muah!

porsha February 4, 2009 at 7:05 PM  

Oooooh dis shit right is oh so seriously on point... I dnt have a grandfather. My dad has a biological father... I jus leanred da mans name... I jus learned where da man lives... he has a wife, children and grandchildren.. But he neva gave a shit bout my dad or his children.. Idk wtf was goin throu his head... I swear on everthing if I meet dis man all hell is gonna break loos I aint bitin my tongue fa none of dem white mufuckas...

With dat said I kno da hurt and pain u feel on dis subject, shit is crazy and sad but its our life we gotta deal w/ it, it has made us who we are today...

Much love DIZZ!,
Porsh

Nicole.king38 February 4, 2009 at 7:28 PM  

This hit so close its so far from funny! Damn it DizZ!!! This is by far my favorite one!!!

*NikkiLeggs*

Mr JaQuar D.Sanders February 4, 2009 at 8:37 PM  

One word DEEP!!!

maine February 4, 2009 at 8:42 PM  

that one was deep bro! I can relate to that one, was raised by my moms too...just gotta do better than he did and if you have kids take care of them do not become a statistic..good shit tho!

Pretty K February 4, 2009 at 9:57 PM  

I'd have to agree with above commentators and say that this is a pretty deep and emotional blog entry. I personally grew up with both parents, but my mother was the most instrumental in my growing up once I hit the age of 12. My father never seemed to care about anything except making me feel like a prisoner in my own home, and always made it point to rain on every parade I tried to march in. Imagine your pops having to get drunk every time there's a special event in your life, someone who has made a point to never be home on your birthday since the age of 7 (and never acknowledging your birthday), being told that he doesn't love nor believes u are even his child just because your skin is lighter... or having someone see you succeed in life and never say "I'm proud of you" or "I love you". It hurts every time I think about those events, but I remind myself that I always have my Heavenly Father in my life just when I think I'm alone... be blessed and keep up the inspirational writing!!!

Miss.Fortune February 5, 2009 at 3:43 AM  

i can definitely relate..
ive cried about situations as such many times..
and its crazy cuz even til this day i will do anything to have my dad WANT to be n my life..
i mean we talk on and off..but its more like im making the efforts to reach him

my grandparents raised me and i wouldnt trade them for NOTHING!

JuJu February 5, 2009 at 10:03 AM  

yea; my dad wasnt arnd with me growing up either nd i tried to patch shxt up with him when i got older and felt the same issh; and he has two other kids and a wife - so i can def relate.. and sad thing is now my son is going thru the same thing and i only hope and pray he will b ok.. his dad is a low life who has a chic and a new baby and could give a fxck less abt his son and tells us that.. ughh.. bastards. :(

LundiChantal February 5, 2009 at 6:39 PM  

Well....this really touched a place in my heart because I can relate in so many ways....yea I was raised with both of my parents but me and my mom never really had a "typical" mother daughter relationship...and then she leaves when im a bit older and becoming the woman I am today and she missed it all and wonders why she doesn't understand me :/ but yet when we conversate its never to patch up the hurt she's caused so therefore we don't really have a relationship...she's not supportive...she's just there. Don't know what for...but its wierd how my dad worked so much and wasn't there as much as she was and me and popdukes cool as ever... maybe cause she doesn't want the relationship...oh well can't dwell on it just hope it gets better...good blog Eric.

iM.R0Ni February 5, 2009 at 10:48 PM  

to ur p.p.s

its YOUR blog. write about wutevr the fuck u want. lol

love it.

Flawless J February 6, 2009 at 10:52 AM  

This reminds me of a that Lupe song "He say She say".


**shameless plug**

flawlessj.blogspot.com

SUPRSHAZ. February 7, 2009 at 6:31 PM  

oh my goodness. I really connected with this because I went through something similar to this.

*clicks follow blog.

johntaviousbyrd February 8, 2009 at 9:30 PM  

dude, i give you your props on posting things like this.
that's deep man.
one of the realest blogs, no lie

ABC February 20, 2009 at 7:47 PM  

Deep. That's how I feel sometimes with my daddy!

Beautiful Q March 11, 2009 at 2:08 PM  

Reminds me of my sperm donor! Cuz thats all he is....

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