Monday, November 16, 2009

Am I shallow DizZ? Dating people with kids..

Am I shallow for not wanting to date a guy with kids? -Ash.P

I know I'm a catch hell for writing this but, O well. No your not shallow at all. My mom was a single parent and her having a boyfriend always fucked with me. Mainly because they would break up and he would disappear and her mood would change. I got attached to one of her boyfriends. He was cool as shit but they didn't mesh to well. Probably cause he was a kid in a grown up body now that I think about it. I always promised myself that I would stray away from dating a woman with kids because of that.

So Ash.P told me her situation and I don't blame her for asking the question cause it is a good one. Can you really find happiness in someone who you have to share? Think about it.

You would get mad if you had to share me with another female. So why can't I feel the same about your kid? The kid will always come before me, the kid will always be there. Your schedule is based on the child and all of your decisions will be based on the child. Who am I to ask you to change that? I HAVE to share you! I have to share your time and your love. You can never give me 100% of you and if you ever gave me 100% of yourself to me I wouldn't like you anymore because your kid is more important.

I think the person with the kids don't understand the thought process of folks who don't want to be with them because of the kid. They might think you are shallow. They might tell you their kid wont matter. That might be true to them but it matters to you and will always matter to you. I have to like you, and the kid. I don't really like kids that much so I doubt I will like yours and then tolerate the stuff kids do. Its just messy and I don't want mess nor do I want you to lose respect for me because I feel this way. Its a hard thing to just come out and say. Yes we connect in every way and I like you but.. I can't be with you because of this. It's the hardest thing to say because you feel as if they will look at you different.

I just know how I get when I date and I'm too selfish to share you with someone who has no choice but to be there. I have friends with kids and they always have baby daddy drama. I honestly hate all drama and drama that might not ever go away is horrible. My mom told me not to have kids so I can have my freedom to move freely. I tried my hardest not to have a kid so dating someone with a kid seems to be ending up in the same place.

So, are you shallow for not wanting to date a guy with kids, no. Not to me you don't because I understand exactly why you don't want to. You love attention, you want that person to yourself, you don't want anyone else to intervene in your happiness. Will that person understand you, probably not. What do you do? I have the slightest idea. To tell or not to tell is the question. But I don't think your shallow.

7 comments:

Ash.P November 16, 2009 at 2:08 PM  

Well well. Thanks soooo much! U sum'd it up quite well! Wow! & my mom always told me the same thing :-)

RoByn LaTice November 16, 2009 at 3:03 PM  

OMG! I've had this same promlem. But if I state it out loud, People just mark me off as shallow. They say " Your bound to date someone with a kid sometime soon." But Im not putting myself in that situation because..well i just can't do it. If I dont have children[I dont care for kids either] then i dont want to seriously date someone who does. Good post! & Good question Ash.P !

Katlynne LaSalle November 16, 2009 at 8:26 PM  

It's good to be honest, then the kids involved won't end up hurt in the long run. But I know some guys who have the opposite problem. They end up bonding with a chicks kid, then don't want to break up with the chick, because they don't want to crush the child! Wow! Best to be certain you really want to be in that kind of relationship.

Props to those who think before they jump in, props to you E Dot Dizzy! By the way, I named a character in my hip hop novel G Dot Dizzy!

Keyra November 18, 2009 at 2:53 PM  

With me having a child I understand where you are coming from because I don't want to expose my son to someone that doesn't want to be with me because I have a child. I am very careful who I bring my son around. I luckfully don't have the baby daddy drama and I have found a great man that accepts me and my son. I feel like people have their rights to not want to be around a child that isn't theirs. Good one Dizzy!!!

BRISTINA November 18, 2009 at 3:14 PM  

OK I HAVE A CHILD AND I DO KINDA IN A WAY THINK ITS SELFISH...ONLY BECAUSE U HAVE TO PUT URSELF IN THE SITUATION...WAT IF U ARE THE ONE WITH THE CHILD AND THE OTHER PERSON FEELS THAT WAY BUT U REALLY DO CARE ABOUT HER/HIM...I MEAN YEA U DO HAVE TO SHARE THE PERSON BUT SO WAT THATS LIKE SAYIN IF HE/SHE IS A MAMMA'S BABY I GUESS U WOULD HAVE TO SHARE THAT PERSON WIT THERE MOTHER CAUSE ITS NOT LIKE SHE WILL EVER GO ANYWHERE...AM I RITE?THE DRAMA IS ANOTHER THING... DRAMA IS EVERYWHERE EVEN IF THERE'S NOT A KID INVOLVED I MEAN YEA IN SOME SITUATIONS THERE IS BM OR BD DRAMA...BUT NOT ALL SITUATIONS..CAUSE ME AND MY BD DONT GET INTO IT HE JUST DOES WAT HE HAS TO DO FOR MY CHILD AND THATS IT...I RESPECT HIM ENOUGH TO WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND ENJOY HIS LIFE EVEN IF ITS NOT WITH ME...ANOTHER THING WAT IF U FOUND SOMEONE THAT U CLICKED WITH IN EVERYTHIN AND NO MATTER THE SITUATION IS SHE ALWAYS ENDED UP ON UR MIND EVEN IF U DID TRY TO MOVE ON...WAT IF SHE IS THE GIRL GOD INTENDED ON U TO BE WITH/UR SOUL MATE...WOULD U GIVE UP EVERYTHING U EVER WANTED IN A PERSON JUST BECAUSE SHE HAS A CHILD?

E Dot DizZy November 18, 2009 at 3:28 PM  

If you asking me personally, it depends on the situation. I'm a mommas boy and none of the girls I've dealt with has met my mom so that ain't the same. There is a difference between that. Would I stop the relationship just because of the kid? Yeah actually I would. I'm haunted by growing up with a single mother. If I had a kid I would have to understand, I don't have it like I use to. I know a female who never cared to settle down until she had 2 kids and no one wanted her like that anymore.

karmynkarmelo21 November 28, 2009 at 10:52 AM  

Hey Eric I dont't know if you remember me, but eveything you write and send me on facebook I read, because you are talking about some real shit. This one really touched me because I am in a relationship with an older guy and he has three kids. I have been thinking about this and asking peoples opinions. I agree 100%

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