Getting the hint.. Need opinions.

Never been a big fan of "dating" for the simple fact it requires you to make yourself vulnerable to another person. Putting my heart in someone else hands never really sat well with me. Seems like the person you want to be with the most is the person giving you the most bullshit. I just have trust issues. People lie or they withhold information from you which is a form of lying in my opinion. If you aren't honest 100% then you really can't expect someone to be 100% with you. Just is what it is. I haven't dated in a long time so maybe I just expect shit to be easier then it really is. So can someone tell me who dates when do you decide if your wasting your time or not? When do you finally say, wait, I'm making a fool out of myself?

One thing that I see happening is that people EXPECT the other person to just know how they feel but they never say it. For example, 2 people been kicking it for a minute and the girl wants things to go to the next level but never says anything. Never voices her feelings to the guy so she in turn thinks the guy is bullshitting when he doesn't make it official. We not talking about that. We're talking about someone clearly voicing their feelings to the other person and getting no kind of response. It sucks from a guys stand point because when a guy likes a woman, he likes her. He stops talking to other females like that. Which is the hardest part of it all. Leaving behind other females for another female.. Trust me I know.

On the outside looking in, you can always tell if someone else is being played or strung along but from the inside looking out, it ain't that clear. I'm starting to think that the whole putting your trust into someone shit is over rated. Why can't people be honest and why can't people accept the truth? Just tell the person if you don't fuck with em like that.

My question still remains, when do you finally get the hint that you should just move the hell on? Comment and let me know.

Venting.

I normally try to keep my personal life to myself. I don't like venting because it seems like no one has answers but I'm a just post some of my thoughts and see what y'all think. Idk. If you relate.. Comment...

Sometimes I wake up feeling okay then sometimes I wake up like what the fuck is the plan today? Filling out billions of applications and submitting this saaame fucking resume only to hear "we will be in touch." No the fuck you won't, who you think you fooling with that line? Then I got my music and I know I'm hot and I know I have what it takes to "make it" but in the back of my mind I know that shit ain't promised. So many fucking folks who produce, rap, sing, blah blah blah.. When do I stop "dreaming" and face reality that it just might not happen. Every time I put my head down in my hands from frustration, I see the stop sign on my forearm that reads "Never Stop Dreamin."

When I was growing up, I always wanted to be a grown up. I wish my mom slapped me every time I said that. No one told me that life was fucked up lol. No one warned me of all the problems and worries that comes along with being an "adult." Shit slowly but surely caught up to my ass and hit me like a fucking freight train and I was looking around like daaamn, why wasn't I warned about this? I seen my mom stressed and depressed at times growing up but she never told me what was wrong.. She made things work for the better and that's what lets me know that I'll be aight if I just work hard at it but.. Damn, I would have liked a warning that life is a bitch! I heard that growing up but shit, I didn't give a fuck cause I ain't know what they meant. The only time life was a bitch for me growing up was when I couldn't go outside and play with my friends.

Life always throw certain shit at you just to see how you handle it and if it breaks you, it breaks you.. If it makes you stronger then you get stronger.. My only problem is, I always think about why shit happened the way it did rather I'm stronger or weaker. That's one of my faults but no matter how much i try to change it.. I think about it. I want nothing but to live comfortably with a woman who can keep me smiling. I want to write and make music that uplift spirits and to let them know simply, you aren't alone. I don't need the gliss and glamour, I never been a show off mainly because I never had shit so I know how to appreciate shit that I do get. I learned that some moves I make will not be liked by certain people and that's only acceptable because, hell, that's life. People won't always like the things you do but if it makes sense at the end of the day, they will respect you for it. If not you can't do nothing but keep it moving.

I'm not going crazy, my mind just racing. Its more venting just didn't want yall to think I'm on some other shit. But yall feel where I'm coming from though? Aw fuck it. Niggas never want to admit that life ain't going the way they want.. I've realized that haha. O wells. I'm alone with this one. Peaace!

Last Time.. Sucks soo good

Walking to the mailbox at 8:49 p.m. Just got off work and kinda tired but gotta stay up and promote online. In walks "her".. My ex, we dated a lil while ago. What's crazy is, I just was thinking about her at work today. We been split up for a little over a year now. Haven't seen her in forever and she was looking good as hell! She looked up as she walked in and caught me staring and she smiled "Hey DizZy".. I almost melted but I had to keep it cool, "Wassup lil lady". Gave her a hug and she smelled exactly the same. All the memories came rushing back to me almost instantly. She hugged me and grabbed me a lil tighter then she use to and I grabbed her tight as well. So as we sized one another up since we haven't seen one another in soo long, I seen that she had a ring on her finger. My fucking heart sunk to my stomach. I asked her was she married now and she grabbed her hand and was like "Um, not yet".. She had this look she gave me when she was "hungry" and she just gave it to me. I had to be cool because I didn't know if she still moved the same. Asked her what she was doing in my neck of the woods seeing how she lives about 45 mins west of here. "I'm here to see my girl friend, she just moved upstairs a month ago and she wanted me to come see her spot.. So.. Here I am. What you doing though Mr. Dizzy, what you cook cause I'm hungry?" She then grabbed my keys and started walking to my apartment. I was a little lost so I watched her walk to my door, and walk in. Her ass has gotten soooo fat! But I gotta keep it cool.

I walk in and she in my kitchen heating up some left overs. I was kinda mad because I had my mind set on eating that! "So how you been E? Seem like you kinda forgot about me. You never hit me up with a text, myspace message, facebook message or nothing. That's kinda fucked up.." She was smashing my food sitting on the counter looking up at me as if she wanted me to speak. Truth be told, I didn't have anything to say. She was right! We got into a heated argument and once she said we needed space, I went and got my space. "You never hit me up either so don't point fingers if you don't want any pointed at you. We aint perfect so don't talk like you perfect!" She replied "Fuck you DizZy, give me some juice before I die on this dry ass chicken you made." I smiled because I missed her fussing at me. I went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle water and gave it to her. When she grabbed for it, I no longer seen her ring. I didn't question it at all, nor did I question when she was going to leave, I'm kinda glad she "popped up."

She gets done and sit on the couch and turn on the tv. I stink from being at work all day so I tell her make herself at home, as if she already hasn't and I'll be in the shower. Back when we was dating, she would occasionally wait like 5 mins and jump in the shower with me. I was hoping shit didn't change so I left the door unlocked and waited.. I had to have waited like 10 mins before I got it in my mind she wasn't coming. I started to wash my face when she enters the shower with this expression on her face like "I missed you." So I looked her in her eyes and told her I missed you too..

She grabbed my dick and looked at it for a second.. Turned my back to the shower head so she wouldn't get drenched, got down on her knees and sucked me slow. She then got super aggressive and sucked it harder and nastier then she has ever before. Caught me off guard but I loved it. I didn't want to nut so I forced her to get up and put on leg on the tub edge and I got down and ate dinner! She grabbed my head and moaned as I licked her pearl, sucked her pearl and stuck my tongue inside her. She started to shake just like old times and that's when I knew I was doing it right. She kept my head down there so I kept my face between her legs. She tasted so sweet.. As I tasted her, all the memories of us came rushing back and I started to feel stupid as fuck for ever letting her go. I got up and turned the water off. She stumbled into my bed room wearing a dry towel.. I walked in right behind her and she was laying on my bed, waiting. I climbed on top of her, kissed her then slid in. She grabbed my back with them damn nails but it felt so good. She gasped as if she has been holding her breath for minutes.. I took my time because I didn't know if I would have another chance with her again. It seem like we was going in slow motion and I was loving every bit of it. She pushed me off of her, turned over on all fours and I slid in again and banged it out! Grabbed her hair and smacked her ass just like she liked it. How do I know she liked it? BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME! I then turned her on her side and put it on her. She was making all types of faces and making all types of noises. I was just focusing on not nutting, it was too damn good. She screamed "I'm cumming daddy" and that's when I lost it.. I came too.

I laid on my back, condom still on and everything. She laid on my chest and I dozed off. When I woke up she was in the bathroom fixing herself. I walked in the door way as she just stared herself in the mirror fixing lip gloss and all that good stuff. I looked at her hand and the ring was back on her finger. She looked at me with a look of, sadness. Its like we said soo much just then but no one said anything. I knew that she was getting married, I'm no dummy. Well I am for letting her go because I know she probably waited for me to come around after we had our space and I didn't come back. Some guy came along and filled my space and didn't waste time on making her his. "Dizzy, this was fun. I missed you, I hate you yet I love you more then anything. You just never came back and I had to move on." Kissed me on the cheek, told me she loved me and left. I didn't chase after her because I knew I was too late. My heart sunk to my stomach again because it hurt. So much that I damn ner cried... I guess from here on out, if I have something worth keeping.. KEEP IT! Damn.

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Just a little fyi

These blogs are something I decided to do to connect to more people. I didn't know that soo many people would be drawn to my blog and literally begging me to write daily for their "fix"! I'm writing this to say thank you for reading!! Thank you for telling all of your friends about it. It means a lot to me and I don't take any of it to the head! Whenever someone hit me up and say they like my blog it makes my day. My only thing is, if I make music, its just the music version of my blog. A lot of the folks who read my blog haven't downloaded the mixtape and -I'm curious to know why. Leave a comment and tell me why because I'm curious..

Um. Also, I'm working on DizZyaNa pt. 2 right now and this one will have hooks on it and I will release it once I get to 600 downloads and I need about 80 more downloads. This mixtape means a lot to me that's why im pushing it so hard. I appreciate all the folks who reviewed the mixtape on their blog, that shit helped a lot!! I love it!!! I need the same love for the second one!

I work my ass off! I grind hard with this blog, music, networking, all dat good shit. I'm not a Hollywood kat, I don't take shit to the head. Seem like after awhile folks stopped commenting the blogs, hitting me up on aim and myspace. Lol, is it because I don't write about sex anymore? Daaaamn lol! That's fucked up haha!! Continue showing me love, I need that. I also know that some folks don't comment because they feel I get enough comments already... WHACK! Everyone says that and it leaves me with no comments or messages! I write for YOU so if YOU don't let me know you reading, I feel like YOU aren't reading but hey, its all good. I love the love you guys show me! I'm a keep doing what I'm doing! Show ya boy some love. -dizzy

P.s. I wrote this from my sidekick so it might be all jumbled up and all over the place!

Bitter Sweet Memory..

So we stopped talking, BEEEN stopped talking, maybe 2 years ago.. We haven't even spoke to one another. We both stubborn so when we fell apart I knew it was over even though I never wanted it to be fully over. We didn't even date, it was more like a silent agreement that I was yo nigga and you was my lil lady. I don't even know what happened but we gradually stopped talking. Well I deleted you from everything just so I wouldn't be tempted to hit you up or see you posting new pics on facebook with ya new boy friend. I didn't want to miss you basically..

Here we are two years later.. Haven't heard from you, haven't seen pics of you but sometimes thought about what if. What if we never stopped talking? Well I remember you use to come over with no pj's and when I wasn't looking, you would take a pair of my boxers and put them on and bundle under the covers so I wouldn't notice. Petty but cute, I always thought it was funny. After awhile, you wore the same ones over and over. After we stopped talking, subconsciously, I never wore them. They became the "laundry boxers". The ones I wore when I didn't have any more. One day, my new girl came over and ended up staying late. She didn't have any pj's so while I was in the kitchen cooking, she took a pair of my boxers, got in the shower, got out and got bundled up under the covers. I told her the food was done and she popped from under the covers wearing the same ones you use to wear... Right then I started missing you like fucking crazy and I just smiled. It was just random and odd to me that out of all the boxers, she picked yours and did the same thing you did. I guess I can't forget about you no matter what.. It's all good, I needed that smile. -DizZy

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The Catch.. Dumb ass!

I just got in a heated argument just now with a friend over some bs! She was telling me I was scared of commitment because my longest relationship wasn't actually long at all it was 3 or 4 months, I think. I don't really remember. I haven't been in a relationship in almost three years. Damn, that's long! Her longest relationship was 4 or 5 years and she loovvvvved this guy to death. She thought they would be together for ever, hell I did too low key. Well long story short, they broke up and she is single again. =D

This is where the argument starts! She saying that I'm scared of commitment which is not the case because I commit to a lot of stuff. I can't think of any right now but, I do! LMAO!! I just have a low tolerance for bullshit, very low tolerance. Her and her ex has been dating for bout five years but was more off then on for the last two years of the relationship. She has come to me for more advice then I feel one should and still consider the relationship to be "healthy". So in the past 5 years I have dated maybe 5 girls to her 1 guy but at the end of it all.. WE BOTH STILL SINGLE!!

People, stop holding onto your past relationships as a trophy or something because you only look foolish. Yeah you have had a long relationship but your still single at the end of the day. If it appears that I'm scared of commitment, I look at it as your scared of being alone. Take it how you want haha but that's how I feel. How you like them apples!! What yall think though?

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Too Many fucking options!?

I just realized that most of my friends are single and HATE it! But I also realized that people are single because they have too many options! Bare with me now, don't get mad. If a girl has guys coming at her allllll day every day, she loves being single because she knows that at any point she can get almost any man she want. If she don't have options though, she hates being single. Guys with options I don't really know. I think a guy with NO options stay single because they feel like one day they will have options and don't want to fuck it up. A guy with a slew of women seem to be wifed up and it only draws him more attention from women. Its funny to me how it works but it just seem to be like that. Where do you fit? Why is everyone single though? I find it hard to believe that everyone on some other shit. Who knowz!?

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Her addiction... The Socialite

I didn't realize she was this addicted to it when we first met. I mean, I knew that she liked to do it but never knew it would interfere with our friendship/relationship. Every time I would try to set up a date or something she couldn't fall through with it because she had "prior engagements". I always knew what that meant, she was getting high. Almost every night she was high! I didn't know people got high on Mondays and Tuesdays. I finally confronted her about it and she brushed me off as if i was blowing it out of proportion. She always hit me with the, "I'm young, i have my whole life ahead of me, stop acting as if your my dad." I never understood how she became like this. She use to be such a sweet girl until she was exposed to her new found addiction. Her favorite drug dealers is Onyx, Velvet Room, Platinum 21, Studio 72, Dreamz, and The Compound! She is addicted to the club life.

She club hops nightly, her and her fellow addicts. She was the silent type in school, real pretty but very seclusive but get a few shots in her and play "She Got A Donk", she all on the bar poppin her ass! Never was the fighting type, you cut her in line at the bank, she don't mind.. You cut her in line at the velvet room and she ready to knock ya head off. I asked her why she go out so much, she shrugged and said "I do it because it I kinda get a rush." I then replied and asked her do she ever get bored drinking the same drink, listening to the same songs and seeing the same faces.. She looked at me puzzled and said "um, no. Well sometimes but what else is it for me to do?"

She is down on life because every man she dates is a jerk and she can't meet nothing else but jerks because every man she meet is always in the clubs. The guys she do meet who aren't party animals and socialites, she doesn't pursue them because they seem to be "lame". School is fucked up because she doesn't know where she will get the money from for her last 3 semesters. Her boss is a bitch because he cut down her hours and the only thing that gets her feeling like everything is okay is going to the club, taking a few shots and forgetting all about it.. Until 4:00 a.m. The club closes at 3 am, she lingers around the parking lot with her other fellow addicts until they rally up more addicts and go to waffle house. Everyone eats and as she leaves and drives up 20, she realizes her life is still FUCKED! Better The Velvet Room then Crack or alcohol huh? Depends on who you ask. -DizZy

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Social Network? Fuk all of em!!!

Over the past 8 years, social networks has taken over peoples lives, literally. I took the time to break down each of them and why people seem to be so attached to them.

BlackPlanet.. First social network I ever joined was blackplanet. A simple page to let the world know who you are. Blackplanet was easy, simple and trashy! If you met anyone from blackplanet it was on some sex shit! I feel like the soul purpose of this network was to meet folks online and fuck but that's just me. I didn't have a digital cam to take pics and didn't know how to do html so my page was on some whack shit, I got no play.. NO PIC NO RESPONSE haha!! I met a bunch of yahoo messenger buddies from BP though, I enjoyed it for what it was and what i got out of it. Nothing to major..

Myspace.. became rappers because of Myspace was the next social network I joined. It was an upgrade from Black Planet. I don't feel it was trashy like bp. I finally got a digi cam so I had pics and what not. It's too easy to find people on here! Folks I haven't seen in years and didn't want to see found me on myspace. I liked the fact that it was more business handled on here. If you had a company or was trying to network and get people to know about what it is you do, you could do it on myspace and that was cool up until the influx of fucking RAPPERS! Toooo many ma fuckasmyspace. IF YOU NEVER RECORDED A SONG BEFORE MYSPACE POPPED UP OR YOU BECAME A RAPPER IN 2004-05, AND YOUR OVER THE AGE OF 23, YOUR A FUCKING JOKE! why I signed up for It was too easy for someone to just record a song, post it on myspace, take a few pictures and be a rapper. Bitch you ain't a rapper and that'sFacebook. So I don't have to deal with all the rappers, the snooping around, the drama. Myspace became about musicians, old friends popping up, and who has the most friends..

Facebook.. When facebook came around, it was exclusive. You had to approve someone for them to see all your info and what not. That was cool. It was more laid back and more casual then myspace and BP. It was less drama and bullshit.. Until everyone got on there and they changed the layout. Now its just too much!!! If you don't want everyone in your buisness, DON'T GET FACEBOOK. I don't sit on there and snoop around on pics, wall posts, status updates, that's just not me but.. I've seen many people just sit on there and click pictures, see who tagged in the pic, add the person tagged in the picture, write on their wall and befriend someone on the strength of being nosey. If that wasn't enough, you get an influx of messages from, not rappers, but party and club promoters. I don't know how the fuck they send me messages, I don't know how to stop them from coming. I'm tired of the drama that comes with facebook. All the nosey ma fuckas who get a kick out of snooping around, I let them have it. I no longer upload pics, add females that I date, write on peoples wall. I just use it to showcase my music and blog.

Twitter.. Twitter is bullshit. It's an instant messenger that isn't so instant. The site always fucking up and its becoming a competition on who can have the most followers. It's status updates only. No pics, and you can't send long messages. Bullshit. "Let me tell people what I'm doing at all times" is what I think the site is about. I only like it because I can tell people when I drop new music and a new blog. Other then that, I prefer instant messaging then to tell people what I'm doing at all times.

I have only signed up for these four social networks. I signed up for them for promo use for music and blogs. I don't care to keep up with people and what their doing because I'm just not that kind of person. I'm not knocking anyone who love these networks, do ya thang. I sometimes hate the fact that people have relied on the Internet to meet friends and lovers. Some people can't even talk to you in person but if you get online, they can talk yo ears off. The Internet has killed public speaking. It gives people a false security and allow them to just talk and not worry about being rejected in person. Some people are totally different online then they are in person and look totally different online then they do in person. We gotta stop relying on these mediums to meet people and to have a social life. Just cause you have 20,000 friends on myspace don't mean you have 20,000 friends in the real world.. We are still living in the real world right? -DizZy